Relationship Issues

We learn how to relate to the world by how our parents or original caregivers related to us.

Many people are struggling in their search to find the right person to spend their life with, it seems no matter how hard they try, they feel it is just not possible. While others, are stuck in unhappy relationships feeling at a loss as to how to make it work. If you are having a problem with relationships therapy can help.

Couple Counseling Flatiron, NYC

Psychotherapy can help you see how you might actually be self-sabotaging your relationships.

Often these negative patterns are created in childhood and we carry them with us unconsciously into adulthood. We learn how to relate to the rest of the world by how our parents or original caregivers related to us.

  • As children, after we experience some of life’s disappointments, we attempt to ward off future pain by making certain generalizations about life based on our life experiences.
  • We all unconsciously impose on the outer world our limited ideas about how we think life works and how we expect to be treated. We create self-fulfilling prophecies based on this. We will tend to ignore whatever doesn’t fit into our preconceptions and attract to us whatever does fit. Thus our limited reality becomes self-reinforcing, a vicious circle. We expect a certain negative response from life and behave in accordance with that expectation. When the expected response comes, it reinforces our original misinformed conclusion.
  • It is still often a shock to discover how much of our childhood feelings occupy our adult mind. But it is helpful to see how these things are often rooted in unconscious childhood logic. Once this childhood thinking is revealed we have the opportunity to undo the pattern.

 

“One reason that so many of us do not have the love we are longing for is that we have not yet become the people we will need to be in order to attract and sustain that kind of love.”

-Katherine Woodward Thomas